ALPHABETICAL DISORDERS
Jack lit his cigarette on the stove, burned his eyebrows off
Paul saved coupons from Chesterfields, sold wallpaper, died of lung cancer
This couple in Canada, bought a can of Vichyssoise, died that night, botulism
Donna went to Atlantic City, got decapitated on the way home
they put a page in our high school yearbook for her
Beethoven went deaf
Fatty Arbuckle was acquitted in the Rappe case, ruined him anyway
Harvey was almost to the Coconut grove when Bobby got lunched
Some guy lost his head in the elevator shaft at the old CASH building on Cahuenga!
John's mom had a neural aneurism, died,
then John got killed on his motorcycle
Evelyn and her son both had G fingers, had 'em removed at birth
Frances had bugs living underneath her fingernails
are you worth your salt?
"I'll give you violets for your furs"
What time is it in Singapore?
Andy got food poisoning in Thailand, or was it Madagascar?
Ann Landers got a divorce
Liz had a tracheotomy, won the Oscar (for Butterfield 8)
Rich has a three legged dog
Reagan's left eye popped a blood vessel, what can ya say?
do you really want to know about the President's rectal polyps?
Frank O'Hara went for a stroll on the beach , a jeep ran over him
he lived for a few days
newspaper headline, Daily News, LA Life, Feb. 12, 1985;
"WRONG NUMBER GIVEN FOR SUICIDE HOTLINE"
I had perfect eggs over easy in Lordsburg, New Mexico, March 11, 1984
Jackie O's in therapy
kickback asphalt contractors debutante daughters
estrogen hucksters of Jersey's pharmaceutical industrial parks, those lying bastards
robot worker displacement
respirators percolators child eating alligators
waxy buildup, general malaise, acid rain haze
unnecessary mastectomies sterilizing IUDs, poison gas catastrophes, Jalisco cheese!
pension plan embezzlers, radioactive cylinders, cancer causing agents, ring around the col lar,
skid row squalor, salmonella outbreaks, Real People outtakes, sweetheart
evacuation plans of the Federal Emergency Management Agency
topless bars, Dynasty stars, 5 ,r Wars, war bonds, bonded home security, security guards,
guard rails, porcelain nails, acid hail, World Bank bailouts,
book rights, cable deals, harpooned baby seals,
Nevada test fallout,
" every time it rains it rains, sunshine and flowers"
FALLING WORLD TEMPERATURES!
" fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars"
IT WAS UNNECESSARY
Barry bought some acid at a dead concert, woke up naked in a jail cell
my tonsils were removed by a doctor as a precautionary measure it was unnecessary
News Item:
MOST SURGERIES PERFORMED IN THE LAST 25 YEARS UNNECESSARY
I want a week or three at Betty Ford
Pintos explode, soil erodes, batteries corrode, lighten yr load
so this lady orders a strawberry milkshake at McDonald's
it's got rat shit in it,
she got 75 grand!
gun moll, grassy knoll, death toll, gun control
it's a quiet evening
pulmonary specialists are answering their pages
Huberty's widow might be watching Johnny Carson
Manna Oswald may be balancing her checkbook
just stash my urn in a crypt when my number's up

AI Politz never lived to get a bypass
Lou Bronstein dropped dead of a heart attack selling shoes
the spot where Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence is a hot dog stand
With a brass plaque
the 202 Diner had a grease fire, burned to the ground
Dad gave me his uncle's gold pocket watch, I dropped it

NAGASAKI
"back in Nagasaki with the wicki wicki wacki woo"
watch out for that dog up ahead!
Aspartame, missing Zapruder frames, lame legs, same day service
the saleslady at Frederick's of Hollywood told me, "You can't take pictures in here sir !"
hats off to our boys .overseas, Wounded Knee, land of the free, home of the brave, Body By
Jake, GE on the take, insurance rates, spy satellite traitors,
ay, there 's the rub, stubbed toe wait a minute Joe
hangnail, dovetail, sirens wail, out on bail,
anxiety attacks, panic attacks, can't relax
"God shed his grace on thee"
good for nothing, nothing doing, doing nothing,
something happened, happenstance, wrong place at the
wrong time Umbrella Man, contretemps, contraband, controversy
contradiction, Senate investigation, radiation birth defects,
bounced checks, cable-accessed sex,
spare parts graft, Michael Jackson skin grafts,
Hey, what happened to your hair?!
Drano, brain dead, Mr. Ed, what you did, what you said, smoking in bed
failed banks, anti-terrorist tanks, another teenage prank
" did you ever see a dream walkin', well I did"
flammable pajamas, bomb tests in the Bahamas,
Guatemala banana pickers on strike, Diet Like, Herbalife,
copper mines closed down, homeless shelters closed downtown,
"when you're alone and life is making you . "
Police Chief Gates' son got busted for ripping off a pharmacy
Mayor Bradley's daughter got popped for shoplifting,
it's important that our public servants set a good example, don 't you think? are you in the pink,
did you make a stink, need some time to think?
need some room to breathe?
medical emergency, new urgency, need a better detergent?
would you heed the call from Uncle Slam? wham bam, how do ya jam?
convalescent home stench, somatic complaint, Efferdent,
Poli -Dent, make the rent, all the money spent, car accident,
four wheel drive, Five-Alive, televised live,
pea-brained exec split shifts, survivalists, exorcists, manicurists, taxidermists
drug peddler. financial analyst, game show panelist,
cookware demonstrator, baseball club owner, loan shark,
cardiologists, earthquake geologists, tar-pit archeologists,
you win some, you lose some, you give some you get some,
you get some you give some, you have some you get some more,
you don't have to go to war
Jeanne Dixon, Price-Waterhouse, Westinghouse,
dependent spouse, endangered mouse, Spruce Goose, Dr. Seuss,
Middle East truce, Lenny Bruce, hangman's noose,
Bullwinkle Moose! daughter Judy, John Trubee, Jack Ruby.
LETTERS
ROTC, ACLU, UCLA, SPCA, KABC, FDIC LAPD AOMD
WAC, IRA, ITT, I,BM, MBA, USO, HEW, GOP, WPA, JDL: AEC
phone AT&T, he s a VIP, no PDA, she's in the DAR,
send It FTD, fly TWA, take an EKG, bank at B of A,
shop at A&P, go to C&R
NRA, NOW, NFL, DDT, AF of L-CIO, ETC.,
AF of M, MCA, CBS, MGM, CPA, VFW, BBC,
KO, OK, SS, NG, MP, CO, OP, PU, KP, PX, TO DA BA GP OT
TB, BC, CB, ET, NAACP , , , , ,
BA BA BE BE BI BIKKI BI BI BIKKI BI BO BA BU BU BIKKI BI BO
BU
PA, JD, MD, GS-15, PT, UK, VP, 00, OT, BO, LA!
ABCDEFGH I GOT A GAL IN KALAMAZOO

Dr. Turner had a heart attack, dropped dead in his office
Dr. Aboloff got hit by lightning playing golf, killed him
Charlie Chaplin died on Christmas Day
my COUSin David aged 12 dropped dead of a heart attack, wearing his baseball uniform

ROTO ROOTER
a guy goes into the hospital, they take out his one good kidney, becomes a millionaire get me
Dr. Kildare '
Brautigan blew his brains out, wasn't found for months,
the lord works In strange and mysterious ways,
did you bite your lip?
Jayne Mansfield 's got a pink granite heart tombstone
Kay married a guy, he beat her up, killed her cat
Betty said Jack. drank daiquiris till he couldnt' stand up
Carol checked Into the hospital for a minor operation they gave her an enema w/mercury
bichloride, she had to get a colostomy
whoops there goes another one!
Joan got laryngitis, turns out it's an inoperable tumor, they're pumping her lungs in Pompano
Beach,
it's the people that you reach,
weaponry at Seal Beach
~an eleven-year:old Duarte boy accidentally shot himself in the head today)
If you need assistance,. dial the White House Operator at 202-456-1414 ...
Dr. Spock an~?unced In Canada that " society is sick and getting sicker!" Thanks Doc.
Einstein said, Imagination IS more Important than knowledge."
THERE HAS TO BE MORE MEANING
nuclear weapons, chemical weapons, dangerous additives,
drug dependencies, sex crimes, drunk drivers,
toxic spil ls, earthquake faults, seven year wars,
uncontrollable AI DS, missing kids, death cults,
car bombs, near misses, car crashes, animal labs,
dog pounds, exploding gas, abortion clinic bombings,
CIA directives, gas chambers, hijackings,
terrorist retribution, teenage computer hackers!1
A life of service, in the true sense of the word,
where symbolic acts make a difference ... it doesn't take much
what a strange life this is, huh?
what can I do?
deep concerns, deep convictions, right relations,
sensing the plan, mystical perception, not imposing your will
what risks to take, what promise to make,
there's a time to think, and a time to act
what's money got to do with it?
law of silence, laws of speech, a loving heart,
an intelligent mind, extending a kindness, expressing a fondness
surely goodness and mercy exists after the CBS Evening News
weather the storm , you live and you're born
"we are all living on the verge on new happenings, of increased opportunities, fresh complexities,
and of definite spiritual crises ... We grow by the presentation of moments of crisis"
sympathy, charity, truthfulness, purity, gentleness,
kindness, humor, love, family, friends, people forgiveness,
crises tests your strength, purpose, purity
face the future with joy
get into the right place and stay there
to live within yourself and forget yourself
each and all has their place in the plan